With my mighty fists of horror and unstopable cruelty-

You know what I could respect from these anti-choice people? I could respect some ad campaigns for adoptions. I would like to see smiling couples without children asking people who don't think they can take care of a baby to go to whatever organization and get support and help so they can give the gift of a family.

I'd like the Catholic church to sink it's time and money into reaching out to pregnant teens to help them finish school, get good health care, and give their child and someone else.

Didn't Jesus say something about helping people and not just giving your coat but your shirt too? Why isn't that the angle these God and Jesus fellows are pushing?

So my plan to be a better person is stalling out, except for the healthier and more sane eating plan. That has dropped my blood pressure quite a bit. My usual pressure use to be 180/85 and my most recent, taken while i was in pain mind you was 100/75. Still not a really healthy person's BP but definitely much, much better for my body. Woo hoo cutting out salty snacks of deliciousness. Also, we have nearly hit the ten pound mark, which is another thing that is just super good for my health. No where near what I need to lose, but I'm taking victories where I can get them and a year from now we are on track to being a healthy weight and having cholesterol and blood pressure that won't have me on the same path as my mom. My year long journey is starting with baby steps but that's okay.

As for my learning, well that hasn't gone so well with the headaches and all, but I've been watching less tv, playing less (though still more than i wanted to) interweb games, and i've read two books in the last week (harry potter (the last book) and the next book in the girl with a dragon tattoo series) not exactly brain food but better than criminal minds (a show that makes me want to be a serial killer, which still might fit on my 'be a better person' plan but probably makes me someone that no one wants to date.... so we'll leave that for now)

I have systematically removed the people in my life who are:

a)filled with drama
b)make me feel bad about myself
c)refuse to grow up past the emotional age of about 7 despite there being no organic or emotional justification which legitimately freezes them there.
e)anyone who fits more than one of the above

My life has been much, much happier.

I have now decided that I have exactly zero desire to interact with or be in the company of people who do not desire to be better than they currently are. It need not be that they are going to school or have lofty goals. They simply need to approach life in such a way that it is evident that they have something to learn, be it a new recipe, some new and interesting facts, a different dance move, a better way to motivate themselves.... you know, something that will make them awesomer than they were before they knew it, or maybe just more competent.

So good bye people who feel that they are done with growing/learning/evolving. If you aren't willing to try I'm not willing to notice your existence.

My head hurts. It makes me crabby. It makes me feel weak and vulnerable and like I'm a bad person. Anything I do that is suppose to be good for me makes me feel worse.

Going to talk to the nurse at my doctors office about a good diet plan (she has some degree in nutrition).

It is over a month until I can see the headache clinic. I know it sounds strange but I actually don't want to get blitzed out of my mind with narcotics. I want to feel better not feel less.

Sigh.

Had a totally awesome night. <3 my friends and Ben's friends. Woot!

"a personality disorder characterized by a pattern of excessive emotionality and attention-seeking, including an excessive need for approval and inappropriate seductiveness, usually beginning in early adulthood. These individuals are lively, dramatic, enthusiastic, and flirtatious.

They may be inappropriately sexually provocative, express strong emotions with an impressionistic style, and be easily influenced by others. Associated features may include egocentrism, self-indulgence, continuous longing for appreciation, feelings that are easily hurt, and persistent manipulative behavior to achieve their own needs."

This personality disorder is part of group B which includes narcissism and boarderline personality disorders. It frequently has co-morbidity with Bipolar Disorder and other personality disorders.


This is a note to myself as I often clump narcissistic personalities with histrionic ones... not unfairly as both are desperately needy and draining to others.

"Son fear is the heart of love"

my pinky is strained. how does one strain a pinky you ask? by being too fancy or by restraining how fancy you are. i have either been keeping my pinky up too often while sipping tea or i have not been sipping enough tea.

it is amazingly painful and surprisingly difficult to not use your pinky on you dominate hand for things like shuffling, typing, carrying anything.

i blame ben for being so casual that either i have stopped sipping tea or he is so casual that i more forcefully raise my pinky to reclaim some of my former fancy life. any way you cut it, clearly it is ben's fault.

Solient green is people!

About 1.5 hours into the final episode you'll understand why I shout this- and shout this I do.

Also---

WATCH THE GOD DAMN SHOW AND TALK TO ME ABOUT IT!!!

I am screening comments so just in case you did watch the final BSG you can talk to me about it without upsetting those who haven't.

I wish I lived in Chicago.

Almost every Friday I wish that. I don't like my plans to be based on the whims of others.

I miss Maryam.

I created an event on Facebook. This is my second attempt at doing so. If this goes the same way the last one did I will give up on growing a social life here. I thought about doing it and quickly in the same day created it. I am now regretting it. Sitting here today thinking about my weekend plans I'm disheartened and worried about my ability to stay positive in the face of being disheartened.

Work is lame. I am unexcited about going to day. I hope next week pans out some interviews.