With my mighty fists of horror and unstopable cruelty-

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 05:00:06 GMT

"Son fear is the heart of love"

Tue, 05 May 2009 02:50:47 GMT

my pinky is strained. how does one strain a pinky you ask? by being too fancy or by restraining how fancy you are. i have either been keeping my pinky up too often while sipping tea or i have not been sipping enough tea.

it is amazingly painful and surprisingly difficult to not use your pinky on you dominate hand for things like shuffling, typing, carrying anything.

i blame ben for being so casual that either i have stopped sipping tea or he is so casual that i more forcefully raise my pinky to reclaim some of my former fancy life. any way you cut it, clearly it is ben's fault.

Sat, 21 Mar 2009 02:44:52 GMT

Solient green is people!

About 1.5 hours into the final episode you'll understand why I shout this- and shout this I do.

Also---

WATCH THE GOD DAMN SHOW AND TALK TO ME ABOUT IT!!!

I am screening comments so just in case you did watch the final BSG you can talk to me about it without upsetting those who haven't.

Fri, 20 Mar 2009 17:34:14 GMT

I wish I lived in Chicago.

Almost every Friday I wish that. I don't like my plans to be based on the whims of others.

I miss Maryam.

I created an event on Facebook. This is my second attempt at doing so. If this goes the same way the last one did I will give up on growing a social life here. I thought about doing it and quickly in the same day created it. I am now regretting it. Sitting here today thinking about my weekend plans I'm disheartened and worried about my ability to stay positive in the face of being disheartened.

Work is lame. I am unexcited about going to day. I hope next week pans out some interviews.

Thu, 22 Jan 2009 21:11:35 GMT

Obama orders the closure of Gitmo- "Signing the orders, Mr Obama said the US would continue to fight terror, but maintain "our values and our ideals". "

I think I know how y'all felt on inagueration day/election day. I was glad/releaved when Obama was elected. I am glad that Bush is finally out of office.

However today it is like a weight has been lifted off my chest. I am signifigantly less embarassed about our country. Wee!

OMMFG!

Wed, 21 Jan 2009 13:59:22 GMT

So last night I put the cat in the bedroom. I went to brush my teeth. I come out of the bathroom and the door to the bedroom is open with the light on. I don't see Ben. I step in the room and take off my clothing and walk further into the room assuming Ben is in the other bathroom. He jumps from the closet- I don't even hear if he says anything- he grabs me and yelp/start to shake. I realise it's Ben and slowly my hearing returns and he is laughing. He leaves to go brush his teeth and I have a total panic attack on the bed.

Someone hiding somewhere to hurt me/kidnap me is my most reasonable fear. (My other big fears include but are not limited to being left by the person I love and falling downstairs-- these are the normal/reasonable ones and- biological attack/chemical attack and zombies)

Ben is totally lucky I had just peed cause I would have peed on the floor- and guess who isn't cleaning up anything that is scared out of her? That's right- me.

Fri, 02 Jan 2009 02:21:07 GMT

Last night we went to three parties. They were each a totally different sort of party. The first was lots of people talking civily and playing games/catching up on each others lives. The second party was a bunch of people I don't know but who all know each other being very happy to see each other and very loud/giggly. And the third party was very small and more low key but drunker :) Now this certainly was my own perceptions and we only spent a small bit of time at the first two parties. Each party had its own attractions and sort of summed up (at least to me) the people throwing the party. It was interesting and fun and a good way to start off the new year.

Ben is wonderful. Not much to say beyond that- he just is. :)

Wed, 10 Dec 2008 19:25:55 GMT

Ben is gone for a long long time. He was super sweet last night and tackled an evil amount of snow at the end of the driveway. I tried prevent some of that but there was just so much snow in the street my small amount of shoveling into the street didn't help.

I finally lvled my WoW chacater which is good times- I'm actually almost to 69- the sexiest lvl there is- cause for some reason 68 is going by very very quickly.

I miss Ben already. I guess I should have something for lunch.

Sat, 22 Nov 2008 05:35:58 GMT

It makes me sad that i cannot and will not share the most meaningful to me/songs that make me think of Ben with him cause they often have that twangy guitar/are slow.

I vividly recall listening to Iowa loud in my dorm room, crying, thinking of a lover I knew I could never have- how odd to hear it again for the first time in ages.

Thu, 20 Nov 2008 05:09:15 GMT

Lucille Cliffton is lovely sometimes- I'm don't actually feel this way but there are moments in my life when I certainly have

i wish them cramps.
i wish them a strange town
and the last tampon.
I wish them no 7-11.

i wish them one week early
and wearing a white skirt.
i wish them one week late.

later i wish them hot flashes
and clots like you
wouldn't believe. let the
flashes come when they
meet someone special.
let the clots come
when they want to.

let them think they have accepted
arrogance in the universe,
then bring them to gynecologists
not unlike themselves.

Evil Body!!!

Mon, 27 Oct 2008 01:03:23 GMT

I have an awful hacky cough, stuffed sinuses and an achey body of acheyness. Worst part is that I getting on a very long plan ride in just two days. Doom I say Dooooooooom!

Okay, I'm done complaining. Yay Phillies! Yay Eagles!

Going to go steam the crap out of my lungs. Oh yeah, and there was snow that wasn't sticking but was totally snow which means it is now offically winter.

Cause it's silly...

Mon, 20 Oct 2008 17:50:32 GMT

If you are on my friends list, I want to know 36 things about you.
I don't care if we never talk, or if we already know everything about each other.
Short and sweet is fine... you're on my list, so I want to know you better!

Comment here and repost a blank one on your own journal.

01) Are you currently in a serious relationship?
02) What was your dream growing up?
03) What talent do you wish you had?
04) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
05) Favorite vegetable?
06) What was the last book you read?
07) What zodiac sign are you?
08) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.
09) Worst Habit?
10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
11) What is your favorite sport?
12) Do you have a Pessimistic or Optimistic attitude?
13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
15) Tell me one weird fact about you.
16) Do you have any pets?
17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly?
18) What was your first impression of me?
19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
22) What color eyes do you have?
23) Ever been arrested?
24) Bottle or can soda?
25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
26) Favorite band to listen to when you're mad?
27) What's your favorite place to hang out at?
28) Do you believe in ghosts?
29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
30) Do you swear a lot?
31) Biggest pet peeve?
32) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
33) Do you believe/appreciate romance?
34) Favourite and least favourite food?
35) Do you believe in God?
36) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?

Sun, 19 Oct 2008 04:40:59 GMT

it's the little things... the things that make things good or make you miss the past. It's been nearly a year since I started dating Ben. That's totally wierd.

Mon, 13 Oct 2008 00:32:53 GMT

I am bad at actually asking for what I want. I also seem to be bad at getting what I want when I ask for it. I don't know what to do about any of the things that are going on right now. My life is basically falling apart in little ways at this point. I guess I just want to live in a way I can't.

Still looking for a new job. Have expanded that to far and away as a result of this past week. ::shrug::

Fri, 03 Oct 2008 18:09:50 GMT

I seriously hate my job. *so* much to do. totally not my fault. I am tired too. I just wish I could go home.

Be kind to the Wisconsinites... this is sad for them

Fri, 03 Oct 2008 03:29:30 GMT

They haven't been in the play offs since Ben was 1. They are pretty much done. I mean I count nothing out with the Phillies. We can lose with a three game lead in a 7 game series. Now with a two game lead in a five game series... when we still have our pitching staff on good rotation... it isn't set in stone but I'm buying a little broom for Ben.

Thu, 02 Oct 2008 16:33:10 GMT

ralinad is just awesome for stealing stuff from. He has the video up but i'm just going to put the transcript under a cut here. This is Richard Trumka from the AFL-CIO.

You see brothers and sisters, there's not a single good reason for any worker -- especially any union member -- to vote against Barack Obama.

There's only one really bad reason to vote against him: because he's not white.

And I want to talk about that because I saw that for myself during the Pennsylvania primary.

I went back home to vote in Nemacolin and I ran into a woman I'd known for years. She was active in Democratic politics when I was still in grade school.

We got to talking and I asked if she'd made up her mind who she was supporting and she said: 'Oh absolutely, I'm voting for Hillary, there's no way I'd ever vote for Obama.'

Well, why's that? 'Because he's a Muslim.'

I told her, 'That's not true -- he's as much a Christian as you and me, so what if he's muslim.'

Then she shook her head and said, 'He won't wear an American flag pin.'

I don't have one on and neither do you.

But, 'C'mon, he wears one plenty of times. He just says it takes more than wearing a flag pin to be patriotic.'

'Well, I just don't trust him.'

Why is that?

Her voice dropped just a bit: 'Because he's black.'

I said, 'Look around. Nemacolin's a dying town. There're no jobs here. Kids are moving away because there's no future here. And here's a man, Barack Obama, who's going to fight for people like us and you won't vote for him because of the color of his skin.'

Brothers and sisters, we can't tap dance around the fact that there are a lot of folks out there just like that woman.

A lot of them are good union people; they just can't get past this idea that there's something wrong with voting for a black man. Well, those of us who know better can't afford to look the other way.

I'm not one for quoting dead philosophers, but back in the 1700s, Edmund Burke said: 'All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good people to do nothing.' Well, there's no evil that's inflicted more pain and more suffering than racism -- and it's something we in the labor movement have a special responsibility to challenge.

It's our special responsibility because we know, better than anyone else, how racism is used to divide working people.

We've seen how companies set worker against worker -- how they throw whites a few extra crumbs off the table ndsh and how we all end up losing.

But we've seen something else, too. We've seen that when we cross that color line and stand together no one can keep us down.

That's why the CIO was created. That's why industrial unions were the first to stand up against lynching and segregation. People need to know that it was the Steel Workers Organizing Committee -- this union -- that was founded on the principal of organizing all workers without regard to race. That's why the labor movement -- imperfect as we are -- is the most integrated institution in American life.

I don't think we should be out there pointing fingers in peoples' faces and calling them racist; instead we need to educate them that if they care about holding on to their jobs, their health care, their pensions, and their homes -- if they care about creating good jobs with clean energy, child care, pay equity for women workers -- there's only going to be one candidate on the ballot this fall who's on their side... only one candidate who's going to stand up for their families... only one candidate who's earned their votes... and his name is Barack Obama!

And come November we are going to elect him president.

And after he's elected we are going to hit the ground running so that, years from now, we're going to be able to tell our grandchildren that 2008 was the year this country finally turned its back on men like George Bush and Dick Cheney and John McCain

We're going to be able to say that 2008 was the year we started ending the war in Iraq so we could use that money to create new jobs building wind generators, solar collectors, clean coal technology and retrofitting millions of buildings all across this country

We're going to be able to look back and say that 2008 was the year the tide began to turn against the Rush Limbaughs, the Bill O'Reillys, the Ann Coulters and the right wing hate machine

Palin for President.... Okay I could get on board this...

Fri, 19 Sep 2008 13:19:30 GMT

If you have Nathan_Lounge friended sorry for the repeat.

Zomg check it if you haven't... even if you don't play magic

Tue, 16 Sep 2008 12:58:20 GMT

http://mightygodking.com/index.php/2008/09/02/stab-at-relevance/

Thu, 11 Sep 2008 00:17:25 GMT

So I have very specfic and very simplistic tastes in most things dress/jewlery oriented. Haven't been a fan of most rings I've seen of late... the exception to this is what ralinad designed for his fiance. *so* pretty almost makes me think engagement rings are worth it :)

Palin... what up with that chick?

Fri, 29 Aug 2008 19:50:04 GMT

what are this chick's feelings about family planning and birth control? i know she is anti-women's rights (which is what i have decided to call it because you know what i am not a fan of abortions they are awful and i am all for life so i'm taking back those lables and i'm going to call them what they really are) is she going to get herself knocked up again cause she uses the pull out method? or maybe she is a rhythm and blues person... i'm catholic i'm allowed to call it that, us all being enlightened children may not have heard of it unless we are trying to concieve it's where you take your temp in your cooch every day to figure out when you ovulate and then don't have sex on those days. it's catholic birth control. my mom has 5 brothers and sisters. works well don't it. (it can also increase your chances of having a downs kid cause it's not just being old but also if the egg is older in the cycle)

so if mccain wins then dies would could have a knocked up president?

posty-mc-post-a-whole-bunch

Wed, 20 Aug 2008 20:28:00 GMT

"Abba Lot went to see Abba Joseph and said to him, "Abba, as far as I can I say my little office, I fast a little, I pray and mediate, I live in peace and as far as I can, I purify my thoughts. What else can I do?" Then the old man stood up and stretched his hands towards the heaven. His fingers became like ten lamps of fire and he said to him, "If you will, you can become all flame."
--From The Sayings of the Dsert Fathers

"My work is loving the world.
Here the sunflowers, there the hummingbird-
equal seekers of sweetness.
Here the quickening yeast; there the blue plums.
Here the clam deep in the speckled sand.

Are my boots old? Is my coat torn?
Am I no longer young, and still not half-perfect? Let me
keep my mind on what matters,
which is my work,

which is mostly standing still and learning to be
astonished.
The phoebe, the delphinium.
The sheep in the pasture, and the pasture.
Which is mostly rejoicing, since all the ingredients are here,

which is gratitude, to be given a mind and a heart
and these body-clothes,
a mouth with which to give shouts of joy
to the moth and the wren, to the sleepy dug-up clam,
telling them all, over and over, how it is
that we live forever."

-Messenger by Mary Oliver
(Formatting for the poem is altered due to tabing being an awkward thing but line breaks have been preserved)

i read a poem and realised how small i feel these days

Wed, 20 Aug 2008 19:53:57 GMT

the people I work with are not despised enough. i am better at working with people who you can't let your eyes linger too long on. i am happier when there are big gains to make. and so Ken gets my time and thoughts. he is trapped inside a mind that cannot negotiate the world. i desire to be an interpreter. to negotiate the world and society for those who cannot. i do not like baby sitting. i do not like just keeping people safe or helping them make things better than just okay.

that may be why i don't really enjoy children around the age of 10. the world makes sense to them. they know the rules. the world isn't trying to scare or exile them. they can protest wrongs and celebrate rights. teenagers have an unjust and cruel world to negotiate and they have not yet lived long enough to understand the eb and flow. younger than 10 they do not have the words to lable the world and haven't yet survived a fight with their best friend- they are learning how to be real and they succeed for the most part by 10. then more of the world is added and once again by 12 or 13 they might as well be infants.

the mid twenties is a lot like being 10. most of us have had our hearts broken, have lived through some kind of unbearable loss, have loved, have learned our parents aren't perfect and it's okay that they aren't, have found a hero and seen them fall and come to admire them or a new hero even with that knowledge they are likely to fall. we have not yet lost our parents, we have not yet become parents we are grown but that last peace of existance has not yet dropped into our laps... we have learned the words and deeds for this time and place. the difference is that we can understand as we did not at 10 that this world too will fall to peices and we know as we did not at 14 that we will survive it.

i like when i don't know all the words. i like when i don't know how i can or will survive or negotiate. i like being in the company of others who lack the words or maybe i mean language to describe their current state. i like my friends in academia searching for ways to explain things that others might have touched on while they strove to describe the inexplicable things in their lives. i like trying to figure out how to understand and be here as best i can.

and yet somehow i have fallen for ben and if you know him you know why this is odd.

for a long time this enjoyment of discomfort manifested in a fascination with the brokeness of myself and others. i think i have finally grown enough that it isn't so silly as that... i still think that sometimes songs state my life better than i ever could and i still fixate on the why of my 'can't' rather than the how or the why of my 'can'. i am not all fixed, i am not all grown and i know that and i guess that is why i want to leave my job.

EDIT**** I like the search for the right words, the best way to say or describe to achieve something... actually doing it is good but trying to get there is where i feel the most alive- like when traveling I liked the train ride to Dehli better than most things I did there. I remeber with great fondness getting hopelessly lost in that vast city. The airport in San Fran was boring... going through customs speaking no french or khmer in Phenon Pen was fun.

worst girlfriend ever

Fri, 15 Aug 2008 03:55:09 GMT

yes I don't want to do work this much!

Thu, 24 Jul 2008 14:56:58 GMT

visited 28 states (56%)
Create your own visited map of The United States or determine the next president

Hrm... grow up on the east coast much? I should probably investigate the rest of the country at some point... though I'm told I'm not missing much.

visited 11 states (4.88%)
Create your own visited map of The World or determine the next president

So much work left to be done... of course one quick trip to Russia would make that map look far more impressive... have to look into that...

visited 6 states (17.1%)
Create your own visited map of India or determine the next president

Didn't realise how much time I spent in Utar Prash...did a good deal of traveling there and Karnataka .... definately need to spend some time in the north and west... schools don't like to take you there because of the state department travel warnings... I hear Goa is a place that even Ben would visit.